That weekend I showered in Tyler's bathroom and the first thing I noticed were the quotes written all over his mirror with a dry erase marker. They were interesting; things like "let the life you lead be all you need" and "I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize that I've lived the length of it. I want to live the width of it as well." I didn't take the quotes too seriously and didn't give that much thought to them. I even added my own quote "honor they father and mother" which I thought was really amusing.
Fast forward about nine months. Since Tyler was an active student at Texas A&M his name was to be called at the ceremony in College Station the April 20th after he died. For those Aggies whose names are read at Muster in College Station, the family is given the opportunity to create a display on a table in the Memorial Student Center that honors their loved one. It was incredibly difficult to be given a display table measuring roughly 8'X4' and try to present everything that was unique, special, and important about Tyler - really an impossble task. But we did the best we could.
Tyler's display included his super hero quilt his mother had made for him, his collection of hats, his "mac daddy" laptop with his music playing on it, pictures, t-shirts, a football and other items. It also included a large mirror with many of Tyler's favorite quotes on it. I remember writing the quotes on the mirror in preparation for Muster and thinking how cool it was to write quotes like these on a mirror. It allowed Tyler to see himself as he currently was and also see the thing's that he wanted to be; the person he strove to become. And in hindsight, it clearly demonstrated to me what a deep and spiritual person Tyler was behind the laughing, clowning persona that he usually showed the world.
My favorite quote on the Muster mirror was one from Tyler. His girlfriend had quoted it at Tyler's funeral service - "We measure how good a life we have by how much love we bring into this world." I love this quote for so many reasons. It clearly states a belief that our life isn't just a random collection of actions and thoughts. We should evaluate our lives against a meaningful measuring stick. Tyler's was love.
I think a lot about Tyler's quote. I don't know exactly with 100% certainty what he meant by it. I think I know where he was headed. Your actions and the love you demonstrate for others mean something after they happen, they mean something in the present, and they carry forward to the future. Sort of a Cloud Atlas kind of thing (which Tyler would have loved).
We brought the mirror back from Muster and it sat in Tyler's room propped up against a wall. Occasionally I would go into Tyler's room and see the quotes and read each of them. It was a nice way to remember some of what was important to Tyler and the quotes on the mirror represented excellent goals to strive for.
When Courtney moved out to her new house last weekend she needed a mirror and she took the Muster mirror with her. I really didn't give it much thought as I packed it into the truck and carried it to her new home. Courtney and Cheryl were putting her room in order Sunday afternoon and I was sitting in the living room trying to avoid being put to work. Cheryl called out for me and I walked back to Courtney's bedroom. The mirror was sitting on the floor and neither Courtney nor Cheryl could get the quotes to come off. So I was enlisted to scrub. At first I was a little aggravated. Here was one more way that Tyler and his memories were literally being erased. I didn't want to upset anyone so I just scrubbed away, eventually using rubbing alcohol to completely clean the mirror.
After the mirror was cleaned and hung on the wall I sat on the couch in Courtney's new house and had a small epiphany. Tangible things that pertain to Tyler, thing's that he touched, wore, owned, or created won't last. They don't bring him back to life and they don't keep his memory alive. Tyler's memory and the impact he had on our lives will stay with us forever regardless of what tangible mementos of his life exist. He brought so much love into this world in so many ways and I know all that love continues to impact not only Tyler's friends, loved ones, and family but other's outside those circles in ways we will never understand.
"Sonmi-451: Our lives are not our own. From womb to tomb, we are bound to others. Past and present. And by each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. " Cloud Atlas
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