God nods

Coincidences - a striking occurrence of two or more event at one time, apparently by chance.  We all experience them.  We often think of them as little twists of fate.  Recently I heard them described as a wink from God.  Never really paid much attention to coincidences; they were just interesting events that were quickly forgotten.

After Tyler died, Cheryl, Courtney, and I almost immediately took steps to help make sense of what we could not comprehend.  Joint and individual visits to therapists and counselors.  Continuous soul searching.  Visits and discussions with others who had experienced the loss of a loved one by suicide.  And books.  We all read books about suicide, about death, and about heaven.

One book titled "Have Heart" by Steve Berger was especially impactful.  The author eloquently describes the death of his teenage son and the impact that event had on his family's life and their relationship with God.   Powerful stuff and highly recommended for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. 

One of the ideas voiced by Steve was a God nod.  In his words "A God Nod is affirmation and direction. It's God affirming that you are on His radar and have not been forgotten. It is God directing you to pay attention and look deeper. it is god saying, "check this out." With that being said, be on the lookout for God Nods. They'll be happening when you least expect them. They bring healing. Don't miss them."

Our family has been fortunate and blessed to experience God nods. The first occurred at Tyler's graveside service and has continued ever since then.  Tyler was buried in a family cemetery about two hours northwest of Fort Worth.  The cemetery is beautiful.  It is situated on a hill with lots of old oaks and cedars.  The graves date back to the late 1800's.  There is no traffic noise and nothing to keep you company out there but the sound of the wind and the thoughts in your head. The day of  the service Courtney noticed a hawk in a tree close to Tyler's grave.  The hawk was there when she walked over to Tyler's grave to leave a rose.  And it stayed there while she stood there, only leaving when Courtney walked away. 

A few days later Courtney shared with us what she had seen and how she believed that the hawk was a God nod.  Subsequently unusual hawk sightings became common place for us.  I played golf on my first birthday after Tyler's death and the same hawk followed our group for the first 6 holes of the round, landing in a tree adjacent to each hole we played.  Tyler's grandparents saw an enormous hawk in their back yard that they had not seen in over 30 years of living at that house.  We see hawks in odd places that you wouldn't expect to see them.  The hawk sighting has become for us a frequent reminder of Tyler.

Shortly after Tyler died, we took an RV trip to South Dakota.  We felt the need to leave town and just work through things together as a family in a different setting.  It was a long trip to South Dakota, over 20 hours of driving through the furnace that was Texas, Oklahoma, and Kansas in the summer of 2011. 

Tyler's dog Chrissy accompanied us on the trip.  Chrissy is notoriously shy around other dogs and people that aren't her humans.  She usually won't let strangers pet her, preferring to hide behind our legs.  Chrissy also has enormous ears, more like a rabbit than a dog.  When we finally made it to the campground in South Dakota,and got the camper set up, everyone was ready to stretch their legs.  Walking through the campground we found a 4 foot wooden carving of a rabbit.  We each had the same thought - let's pose our dog with rabbit ears in front of the rabbit.  So we got her set up and posed and snapped a few pics and giggled a little.  Then we notice a mom and boy about 7 walking up the road towards us.  Cute little boy, long and gangly like Tyler at that age.  The boy without saying a word walks over to Chrissy and she just sits there and let's him love on her.  It was crazy.  Even crazier was hearing the mom (who had walked behind us) say "come on Tyler, it's time to go."

Muster for Aggies is one of their most important traditions.  Tyler was celebrated at Muster in College Station in April of 2012.  It was a tremendously moving experience.  It was also draining emotionally.  The next morning after Muster I was asleep in the hotel room.  It was around 6 a.m. and the girls were still asleep and I dozed off and on.  At one point while I was awake, I began to think of Tyler and I said to myself "How sad it is that a life as beautiful as Tyler's had to end so soon".  And immediately I heard Tyler's voice in my head say "Daddy, I'm ok". 

We have experienced other God nods.  We count them as blessings and we believe that they are more than coincidences, more than chance occurrences.  We know that these experiences are just one way that God reveals his nature to us and affirms the existence of a heaven where we will be reunited with loved ones.